Getting to Know the Rainbow Nation
by Patient Harmony
Summary: The G8 have a project. Choose a random country, then stay with them to learn more about said country. And the country chosen is South Africa.
1. Prologue

**Ok, so this would be my first attempt at a humorous multichapter. Asides from the prologue, each would be a drabble of sorts. There is also no chronological order to the chapters.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

**Prologue**

"Everybody, SHUT UP!"

It was a normal meeting for the G8. America, England and France had started an argument, and somehow they had managed to drag Italy, Russia and Japan into it as well. Only Canada and Germany remained neutral parties.

"Now," Germany said, "we need to think of a way to better international relations with _all_ the countries."

No one said a word, trying to think of ways to better international relations. Finally, Canada raised his hand.

"Yes, um… Canada?" Germany said. "You have an idea?"

"I-I think so," the quiet nation said. "Basically, we're trying to form better relationships. And the best way to better a relationship is if both parties knew one another, right?"

"Unfortunately," England said, glaring at France, "some of us know each other _too_ well."

"I'm not talking about us," Canada said. "Why don't we try to get to know a random country? And I'm not talking about knowing from information you can find on the internet. I mean, getting to know everything about that country first-hand? And naturally, said country would have relations of their own, and that way we can also learn about _others_."

Everyone murmured, but it sounded positive. They liked the idea.

"Good idea," Germany said. "Now, which country?"

"It should be random," Japan said. "I have a list of countries on my laptop, and a program that will help us choose a random country."

"Then what are we waiting for?" America said. "Fire it up!"

Japan proceeded to input a series of commands. England, who was sitting next to him, looked at the screen, and he seemed to pale at the result.

"Oh, bloody hell."

…

"It's warm here, da?"

They were walking on a dirt road towards a rather large farmhouse. Asides from the G8, Romano, China and Prussia were there as well. Romano in order to keep an eye on Italy, Prussia because it seemed like an 'awesome' idea, and China came because of Japan, and because, apparently, the country they were learning about was a friend of his.

"I like coming here," Russia said.

And, apparently, the country was also a friend of Russia.

"England," Germany said, "you called ahead, right?"

"I figured it would be safer for all of us if_ I_ wasn't the one to call," England said. "Let's just say, South Africa and I don't have the best relationship."

"I remember," Canada said. "Let's just say, Commonwealth meetings have been fun."

No one heard the Canadian.

"Well," Germany sighed, "we're here. Now or never."

"Right, dudes," America said. "So, who's knocking?"

"I'll do it," China sighed, stepping towards the large door.

They waited a few moments, and eventually, the door opened.

They came face to face with a girl around eighteen or nineteen years of age. She had waist-length blond hair and green eyes with brown flecks around the pupils, resembling a flower. She wore a dark green shirt and jean shorts, with a woven anklet on her right foot.

"Ni-hao, South Africa," China greeted.

The nations that _didn't_ know her were all shocked.

"Wait, South Africa's a _girl_?!" America exclaimed.

South Africa frowned.

"Is there a problem?" she demanded.

"Nein," Germany said. "No problem at all."

"Good. So, why are you here?"

"A project of the G8," England sighed. "Getting to know a random country. Which turned out to be you. So, if you'd please, we'd like to learn everything about your history, culture, and your land."

She smirked.

"Must be painful to be here, nê, Engeland?"

"You have no idea…"

Her smirk widened before she opened the door wider, stepping in, and allowing the other nations to follow her in.

"What do you want to know?" she asked.

"First, we would like to know if we can stay here," Germany said.

She looked surprised for a moment, before her eyes swept over the group.

"Fine," she said. "But I only have six guest rooms. Which means all but one will be sharing."

They exchanged a look, before all hell broke loose. South Africa sighed, before she left the room. She returned with a pen, a notebook, and a hat.

"Alright, listen up!" she shouted, and the fighting subsided. "We'll let chance decide. I'm going to draw two names, and the two shall be roommates. And that is how it shall stay, got it?"

…

"Stupid Potato Bastard," Romano mumbled. "How did he _randomly_ end up with my fratello?"

He looked over towards his own roommate, glad that it was Canada. He was quiet, polite, and Romano had no reason to hate him. And, in a way, they were similar.

Both were overshadowed by their brothers.

…

"Ve~. Germany, we're roommates!"

"Ja," Germany said, smiling softly. "Strange how it's completely random."

"I know, right? It will be just like usual."

…

"How the hell did I end up with _you_?" England groaned.

"Fate," America laughed. "Hey, you could be France."

England shuddered. For once, he felt sorry for the Frog.

…

France was huddled in the corner. He was unlucky enough to be paired up with Russia.

…

"Well," China sighed, "at least I'm rooming with Japan. It's not too bad."

"Hai, I agree," Japan said. "Out of all the possibilities, this turned out for the best."

…

Prussia lay on the queen sized bed that every room had. He was glad to be alone. He didn't particularly look forward to sleeping in the same bed as someone else.

"Kesesese. This bed is _awesome_! And it's all mine!"

**Ok, so each chapter would be either about history, geography, cuisine, animals, etc. If you guys have any requests, I'll be more than happy to oblige.**


	2. Beskuit

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

**Beskuit**

It was still early. She knew that her guests would want breakfast, and she wasn't in the mood to go to _too_ much trouble.

So, as she searched, she came across the rusks that she made a few days ago. And a light bulb went on.

She prepared trays for each room, making sure that a plate with rusks was on each tray. She made sure that there was a cup of coffee for each of her guests (with the exception of England, who had tea). Once she placed the trays in each of the rooms, she went towards the end of the hall, looking at her watch.

And waited.

It was Prussia that opened his door first, followed shortly by the others. She smirked, checking her watch again.

Five minutes.

She could see that it pained Prussia to ask what he wanted to ask.

"…How…" he began. "…do you eat these… cakes?"

The others looked eagerly, and she chuckled.

"You eat it with coffee," she said. "You dunk it in the coffee, wait for it to soften, and eat it."

The others looked at her strangely, as though she had grown a second head. They didn't seem to like that idea.

It was China that tried it first. He waited for a few seconds before taking a bite out of the soggy breakfast item.

And his eyes widened in surprise.

"This is… good," China said.

Everyone eventually tried it, and they weren't expecting it.

"Buttermilk?" England asked.

**This is literally what one of my teachers did when they had overseas guests. Including the checking of the watch. And it was the exact same question they asked. And their reactions.**

**Rusks come in different flavours. Buttermilk is one of the more popular, then there's also fudge, anise, wholewheat, honey, condensed milk, ginger, bran, raisin bran, and even chocolate. If you can eat it without dunking it, then it's either straight out of the oven and has not been dried out yet, or has not been properly made.**


	3. Spain's Visit

**This isn't particularly humorous, but it had to be written. You'll see.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

**Spain's Visit**

They were all lounging in the living room when they heard the knock on the door.

"Come in!" South Africa shouted, not even glancing up from the book she was reading.

A few moments later, they were surprised to see Spain glancing inside.

"I didn't know there was a party here," Spain said.

"What the hell are you doing here, Tomato Bastard?" Romano huffed.

South Africa smirked, putting the book aside.

"We have a game coming up," she said. "Spain hasn't played soccer in my land since the World Cup."

"I promised I'll come back," Spain said. "Anyway, I have something to do. Would you like to accompany me to Potchefstroom?"

South Africa smiled before standing up, following the Spaniard out. Romano frowned in thought, before something seemed to click. He smiled fondly, shaking his head.

"That bastard," he said softly.

"You know what's going on?" England asked.

"I think so," Romano said. "But I think we'll find out tonight."

They did find out with the seven o'clock news. And they were all smiling happily when they heard what Spain did.

**As you all probably know, Spain won the 2010 FIFA World Cup that was hosted by South Africa. The Spanish team stayed in Potchefstroom, and after they won, they said that if they ever came back, then they would show the good people of Potch their trophy, as a way of saying 'thanks for the hospitality'. On 17****th**** November 2013, they did just that. It meant a lot to Spain because it was the first World Cup title for the country, and South Africans were touched by the action. And Spain then lost the friendly game against South Africa on the 19****th****.**


	4. Voortrekker Monument

**To the guest that had a problem with my South Africa being white with blond hair… South Africa **_**does**_** have a white population. We are known as the Afrikaners. There are also the British, but their influence is small. I chose the Afrikaner for several reasons. 1) I myself am one, and I can write out of experience, as is the case of most of the chapters. 2) If I chose a 'native South African', as you put it, then comes the messy business of choosing which tribe. And there are nine native South African tribes that are recognised officially. 3) Hetalia mostly takes place during WWII, and during that time, they didn't really allow black people to fight, seeing them as inferior, and preferring to let them work in the mines. 4) How long do you think a black representative would have survived during Apartheid? As to why she's blond – she's basically Netherlands' daughter with some German and French blood in her. The earliest Afrikaners were mainly Dutch, and the other two most influential were the Germans and the French Huguenots. (Yeah, she's related to France. Scary.) And Afrikaans is the language that I know, and I like to throw it in. Afrikaans is a daughter language of Dutch, which is why she's female. And I also wanted her appearance to represent the land (it has been elaborated in 'Game of Mirrors'). The blond hair is basically the grass at the Highveld, where I live, and it is usually a golden colour. The eyes are the green coast with the vineyards, and the brown splotches are the Karoo. I couldn't do that if she was black. And before you complain about me referring to 'black and white', it is acceptable in South Africa. Either refer to them as black than to try and refer to them as one of the 'tribes', as you put it. I've heard of Xhosas being referred to as Zulus, Sotho's as Tswana's… Point is, you get a lot of kak for doing it. And we can't exactly say Africans, now can we?**

**Also, I have written several chapters, and in a lot of them, South Africa and England take shots at each other. The black population has no grudge, while the Afrikaners have more than enough reason to hate the British. I wanted to make that fun.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

**Voortrekker Monument**

"What is this place, exactly?" England asked.

They were standing in front of a very large building, and the building seemed to radiate power and influence. Or, at least, that was the impression the nations got.

"It's the Voortrekker Monument," South Africa explained.

Upon hearing that, England groaned.

"You planned this, didn't you?" he asked.

"America's got Lady Liberty, I've got this baby," she said. "One of the first steps in breaking away from the British. America had a revolution, I had the Groot Trek. Egypt likes this place. The Cenotaph is one of the main features, and many aspects of the monument are recreations of Ancient Egyptian architecture. Whenever Egypt visits, he always makes it a point to visit this place. And he doesn't mind the stairs."

"What do the stairs have to do with anything?" Romano asked.

South Africa smirked as she led the way towards the entrance of the monument.

"You'll see."

She showed them the Historical Frieze, the largest marble frieze in the world. She showed them the Cenotaph, up close, as well as from the top. The monument was extremely busy, and South Africa explained that it was because it was the 16th December. Not understanding the significance of the date, they soon found out. There was an opening in the dome at the top, from which the sun shone on the Cenotaph. She explained that it only happens at noon on the 16th of December.

On the Cenotaph words in Afrikaans were written, and she translated it with a look of pride on her face. 'We for thee, South Africa'. And it would seem that her people were happy to see her there.

They saw the statues, such as the statue of the Voortrekker woman with her two children at the foot of the monument, as well as the Voortrekker leaders, which she explained was synonymous with America's Founding Fathers. She showed them the wagon laager wall, the garden of remembrance and the foundation stone.

They also saw Egypt there, who came to see the Cenotaph at the peak time. The two Africans had a private discussion, away from the others, but judging by the glimpses thrown their way, the guests could only assume that they were speaking about them.

It was around sunset when they finally decided to leave. When they reached the bottom of the stairs that led towards the foot of the monument, South Africa stopped, taking in a deep, contented breath.

"Dit was lekker," she said, facing away from the others. "We should do this again."

Egypt walked up next to her, chuckling. She smirked before she turned to face them, all of them collapsed on the ground.

"I warned you about the stairs," she said.

"You," England said, "are without a doubt, the most sadistic nation I have ever met."

"For once I agree with Angleterre," France said.

"But," Russia said, "on the bright side, we know about the history of the Great Trek."

"I had to make sure England comes here," South Africa said. "Just a bit of a reminder that you can't always control everyone."

"Next order of business," England said, "is a little history about the Boer War. Particularly the second one."

**The Voortrekker Monument is one of South Africa's top ten heritage sights, and is usually at its busiest on The Day of Reconciliation/Day of the Vow (16 December), and Heritage Day (24 September). December 16 was an important date. The Battle of Blood River took place on that day in 1838, the first discussions of the monument began on that day in 1888, in 1938 the cornerstone was laid by three of the descendants of some of the Voortrekker leaders and the monument was inaugurated in 1949.**

**I've been there once (not on 16 December, unfortunately). The thing I remember the most was the stairs. My legs were jelly. A friend of mine, who was an athlete, showed me how **_**her**_** knees were shaking.**

**I'll probably write a chapter about the Battle of Blood River, eventually… As well as the Boer Wars.**


	5. Heritage Day

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

**Heritage Day**

"Dudes," America whined, going through the door, having gone to town, "pretty much everything is closed."

"Maybe it's a holiday?" Italy suggested.

"It is," South Africa said, stepping into the room. "September 24, Heritage Day. Also nicknamed 'national braai day'. The only stores you'll see open would most likely be grocery stores and butcheries."

"'Braai'?" Germany repeated.

"Barbecue."

"Sweet," America said. "If you want, I'll help."

"No thanks," South Africa said. "I've seen your barbecues. Frankly, they're pathetic."

"What?!"

"Hot dogs are something you make in a frying pan. Hamburgers you make in a frying pan. So stay put, and you'll see what a barbecue is. Also, you're welcome to have some of my beer."

"That's the best news I've heard yet," Prussia said, jumping from the couch and rushing to where South Africa was pointing. "You have a walk-in beer fridge?!"

They spent the morning indoors, South Africa telling them that she wants to surprise them. And when it was finally time for lunch, they looked at the table with shock.

There were steaks, lamb chops, pork ribs, lamb ribs, three different types of sausage, lamb kebab, chicken kebab, beef kebab, and chicken fillets wrapped in bacon that she called armadillo. It wouldn't be so bad, except she made enough so that everyone can have one of each type of meat.

"Oh, maple…" Canada muttered.

"You said it, dude," America said. "You said it…"

**24 September is Heritage Day, and a lot of South Africans celebrate by having a braai, hence the nickname 'braai day'. Also, the menu wasn't exaggerated. That was what my dad made last year. And if you think there were a lot of people, think again. Seven people, of which only two were men.**

**Yeah, and my experience with American Barbecues are what we see on TV. And I will admit that we are a little disappointed.**

**And it's very common to have a beer while having a braai.**


	6. Ratel

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

**Ratel**

The male nations were all relaxing in South Africa's living room. She herself had business to attend to elsewhere.

It was Canada who was the first to notice a quiet sound. He turned towards the source of the sound to see a strange weasel-like creature, sniffing the air curiously.

"Guys," Canada said.

A few of them heard, and they turned their attention towards the creature. Soon, everyone was looking at it.

"It must be a pet of South Africa," England said.

"But, what is it?" Prussia asked.

America was the first to approach the creature. And immediately, it was apparent that it was a bad idea. The creature turned hostile, baring its teeth and showing off its claws. And it was not interested in intimidation. America yelped as the creature attacked his legs, sometimes aiming where it was a little too close for comfort.

America tried to back away, but it was persistent, and it also attacked anyone else that came close. America found that he was losing his balance. The creature was about to knock him over…

"Rascal!"

Immediately, the creature ceased its attack, and it turned towards South Africa, who was standing in the door. Suddenly, the creature appeared cute and cuddly as it begged to be picked up.

"Rascal?" Russia asked.

"His name," she explained. "He's a ratel, or as you would call it, a honey badger. India has them too, as well as most of Africa. Persistent little bugger, isn't he?"

"Persistent doesn't begin to describe it," America huffed.

South Africa chuckled.

"You know, Australia said that the honey badger is one of the cruellest creatures in the animal kingdom," she said.

"Australia?" England said. "_He _said it?"

"Yep. Something to do with its preferred killing method when faced with larger prey. Have you ever seen a fully grown lion running away from them? Actually, even _elephants_ would run away."

"And what is this 'killing method'?" Russia asked.

"Well, ratels are predators, but they are useless when it comes to jumping, so they aim for what they can reach. Works better with male prey."

Canada, Germany, England, France, Japan and China's eyes widened and their faces paled, while the others looked confused.

"What?" Prussia said.

"She's saying," France said, swallowing nervously, "that _that_ creature aims for the vital regions."

And now, the rest of them had pale faces.

"Yep," South Africa said. "Come on Rascal. Let's go back to your burrow."

After she left, they all remained on the couch, allowing her to finish her business in peace. When she eventually returned, it was to find eleven men with their knees drawn to their chests.

**The ratels are known for being persistent. I visited an animal rehab where they explained the ratel's nasty habit, and provided the mental image of a 200 kg male lion running away from a smaller creature. And the ratel they had there had a tendency to escape its enclosure, and whenever that happened, then the male staff members immediately went for its cage, since it was the safest place. I am not making this up.**

**Anyway, the subspecies found in South Africa is known as the Cape ratel.**


	7. Biltong and Droëwors

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

**Biltong and Dro****ë****wors**

They looked on in surprise when South Africa placed several bowls filled with something meaty in front of them.

"What is it?" America asked.

"These are snacks that are especially popular at my place," South Africa said. "The biltong is similar to your jerky, America. Pieces of meat that have been dried out and salted. Let's not forget the salt. Those that are especially well salted are the ones that are mostly white. There are also those that haven't been dried well. There are those with a lot of fat and others that are low fat. There are also different flavours, like salt is the standard, then there are special biltong spice, and even chutney spice. Then there's droëwors, which is basically sausage that has been dried out. You can eat them at any time."

"And I suppose one must eat it before it spoils," England said.

"That rarely happens. The processes involved with making them preserve them for quite some time."

"Cool," America said, taking a handful from one bowl.

"Wait!" South Africa said, but it was too late.

America ate the entire handful in three seconds.

His eyes widened, and he ran towards the kitchen. South Africa groaned.

"He didn't let me finish," she said. "That last bowl was chili bites."

**You cannot be called a proud South African if you don't like biltong and/or dro****ë****wors. It's like pancakes for Canadians, or tea for the British. I am not kidding. There's in nearly every South African town/city at least one store that specialises **_**just**_** in biltong and dro****ë****wors. Chili bites are rarely sold at these stores, since not a lot of South Africans are that fond of spicy food. But it's not **_**too**_** bad. I once saw a two-year-old eating it with gusto. And you know those toys that you give babies to chew on in order to help their teeth grow? My parents gave me dro****ë****wors to chew on.**


	8. Table Mountain

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

**Table Mountain**

"Finally," China said. "One of your prides and joys. Table Mountain."

The flat-topped mountain loomed before them. On one side, the clouds were gathering, but the other side was clear, showing off the flat mountain peak.

"Looks like Van Hunks is smoking again," South Africa said.

"Who?" England asked.

"What, I'm not allowed to have folk tales? Whenever the clouds gather, they say that Van Hunks is smoking. The story is as follows: Back in the 1700's, there lived a Dutchman by the name of Jan van Hunks, who was a prodigious smoker. He was forced by his wife to leave the house whenever he wanted to smoke. There's a peak next to Table Mountain known as the Devil's Peak, and that was where he went to smoke. While there, he met a mysterious stranger that also enjoyed smoking. They bragged about their ability, and eventually had a little contest."

"Let me guess," Prussia said. "The stranger won."

"Nee," South Africa said. "Van Hunks did. But it was after he won that he found out who the stranger was. Let's just say, the devil wasn't very happy to have lost to a human. He grew extremely angry, and the smoke that they made gathered around them, forming what you see there, the table cloth cloud. It is said that whenever the cloud reappears, Van Hunks and the devil are having a rematch. It was partly because of the legend that the peak is known as Devil's Peak. Another reason is because of the three pronged spear shape the peak possesses, which is very similar to the stereotypical pitchfork that the devil has."

"Okay then," Russia said. "We're avoiding that peak, da?"

"It's just a folktale," England scoffed.

"Perhaps," South Africa said, "but that doesn't change the fact that the area that the clouds are covering happens to be Devil's Peak."

**I am embarrassed to say that this is one of the only South African folktales that I know. I just had to include it with Table Mountain.**

**In the nineteenth century the poet Dante Gabriel Rossetti captured the tale in his poem Jan van Hunks, alternately titled The Dutchman's Wager.**

**The peak was originally called Duifespiek, and then renamed Duiwelspiek, since the Dutch words for dove and devil sounded a lot the same. That is one theory for the name. Another theory comes from the shape, as mentioned above.**


	9. Sunflowers

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

**Sunflowers**

"Has anyone seen Russia?!"

The question was asked by France, who awoke to see that his roommate was not in their designated room. And, knowing Russia, that wasn't a good thing.

And to make matters worse, South Africa wasn't there. She left the previous night for a meeting with Australia and New Zealand. And she would not be there for at least another week.

"No," China said, growing concerned. He knew full well what Russia might do.

"We need to find him," Germany said. "Even if he's not causing trouble, and he just went out for a stroll, he might get lost here. And since he's only familiar with English…"

"Right," England said. "We don't need an angry South African. Well, Angri_er_."

They searched the entire day, going to the nearby town, trying Russia's cell phone, looking around the grounds of South Africa's farm.

It was only after the sun set that Russia arrived at the front door, noticing that the other nations were waiting, and that they were all annoyed.

"Where _were_ you, commie?" America demanded.

"Oh," Russia said, "I was in sunflower field. I watched them the entire day, how they looked at the sun throughout the day."

"Wait," Germany said. "You were in the sunflower field this whole time?!"

None of them had the foresight to check the golden field. It was far too large, and it would have taken hours for them to search it.

**I just **_**had **_**to do this chapter.**

**It just so happens that one of South Africa's chief exports are sunflowers. It's one of the three most important crops, along with corn and wheat.**

**I couldn't do a sunflower chapter without Russia. And as I was driving past a field that I pass every week, I saw that it was, in fact, sunflower season, so now's a perfect time to post the chapter.**


	10. Mystery Ghost Bus Tour

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

**Mystery Ghost Tour**

South Africa had brought them to some sort of bus tour. She had called it a 'mystery bus tour', but she didn't elaborate. But there was a gleeful smile on her face.

"So, what the bloody hell is this tour even about?" England whined.

"Dude, what does that even matter?" America asked. "I'm sure it would be fun."

'For me, at least,' South Africa thought, smiling softly.

"Welcome," the tour guide said, and everyone on the bus grew silent. "I hope you're ready for the Mystery Ghost Bus Tour."

The other nations were silent. America looked horrified, and England was looking somewhat gleeful when he saw the American's reaction. The two Italians looked worried as well. Russia looked excited, and the others had mixed emotions.

Russia, who was sitting next to South Africa, leaned over to her ear.

"This better not be disappointing," he whispered. "I really hope, for your sake, that we see ghosts."

"Don't worry," she said. "I made sure that they would show themselves."

"Ghosts don't cooperate. How can you be sure?"

"I told them that England would be coming."

"Why would that work?"

"Simple. Half of them hate Britain, and the others _are_ British."

Russia seemed happy with that response.

They had gone to several of the most haunted places in South Africa, around the Cape. At the end of the day, there were two terrified looking Italians and American, a shell-shocked England who was the target of the spooks, a happy Russia, a nervous Germany, China and Japan, and an absolutely gleeful France, having noticed the attention England had received from the ghosts.

However, except for South Africa, the ones that had the most fun were Canada and Prussia. Apparently, the ghosts thought that they were among their own, and had invited them to join their club. The ghosts had even given them a more thorough tour, explaining the history that remained unknown to the humans, and showed them all the secret places.

**When I found out about this, I only had one thought: I wanna go! Quite a few of South Africa's ghosts around the Cape were British, but there were others, like a nurse from the time of the Boer War, on the side of the Boers, and a woman that fell in love with a British man that didn't return her love. She committed suicide, apparently. There are other ghosts in South Africa. Even my hometown has a haunted house known as the ghost nest (spooknes in Afrikaans). It's right across a kindergarten. And just outside of town, on the way to the next, we have a hitchhiking ghost.**


End file.
